10 Tips For Your Disney Family Vacation

I just returned from a week-long trip to Florida. Here is a short list of tips to make your vacation go smoother:

1. Wear mirrored sunglasses. There are any number of things to see that you don’t want to be caught seeing.

2. Don’t bother with underwear. It’s so hot there that your unmentionables will be soaked before boarding the bus, or boat, or monorail.

3. Take a day off in the middle of the vacation. Spend the middle day in your hotel room with the air conditioning set to frigidiculous.

4. Don’t cheat on your spouse/partner/traveling companion. What happens in Disney does not stay in Disney.

5. Just drop wherever you are. There is no dignified way to pass out with heat stroke, so just go with it. Make it as dramatic as possible in order to give your family a good story to tell when they return home with your casket.

6. When flying, stow toddlers in the overhead soundproof compartments. It doesn’t matter where you’re flying. This applies in every country on the planet.

7. Wear clothing with many pockets. There are so many important things to lose, that you might as well lose them in your own clothing.

8. Try not stand out in the crowd and become an easy mark for ne'er-do-wells. Never, ever wear dark socks and dress shoes with jorts. I cannot believe I saw that.

9. Avoid going to any Disney Character dining experience. The number and volume of squealing brats at any restaurant is tortuous, but these meals are actually designed to trigger a migraine sequence and subsequent suicide.

10. Don’t have any strong opinions about anything or anyone. Just ride the wave and let the magic carry you.