On Literary Rejection

No one likes rejection. But like death and bowel movements, it’s one of life’s certainties. Everyone is rejected. Period. Not that this makes rejection easier to take, but being rejected just means you tried and didn’t convince one person (or possibly an entire agency) to fall in like with your work. Did you really think everyone would hail you as the next ____________ (fill in the name of your favorite author)? Don’t get caught up in the numbers. You will be rejected until a) you are not rejected, b) you give up trying, or 3) you die. It’s that simple. Even in the last case, you might get a break posthumously, but who wants to sign up for that? It may take years. It may take hundreds of queries. Stop whining.

Despite finding a publisher on my own, I, myself, am still 0-fer. Most of my rejections have been of the “doesn’t connect” or “not right for me” variety. I know that kind of rejection is valid and legitimate. I feel the same way about granola bars. It’s just not helpful. Realize, there is no way agents or anyone evaluating queries could respond to every submission with in-depth and personalized critiques. The sheer volume makes it impossible and to put it bluntly, it’s not their job.

But…

I’m telling you right now, if you’re honest, you will sound petulant and/or passive-aggressive when talking or writing about your feelings after rejection. It’s impossible not to. So, I will.

My sons are grown men now, but when they were younger we used to play a game called Why - Because. The game begins when I ask them why they did (or did not do) something, and their answer could only be, ‘I don’t know’ or ‘Because’. What fun. As a parent, there is nothing more satisfying than drawing a reasonable and definitive answer from an unwilling son or daughter. Unfortunately, you’re going to lose the game ninety-nine times out of a hundred. Often you will get to the point where you explicitly state the real answer/reason loudly, clearly, and plainly for your child. He or she may accept the answer/reason internally, but in order to continue the game, he or she must reject it outwardly as the ravings of a lunatic who sprang from Hell as a fully-formed sadistic adult.

Points are earned by the child for dodging direct questions, inducing jaw and/or fist clenching, or making a valid point. The adult may earn points by inducing eye rolls, any answers other than ‘Because’ or ‘I don’t know’, or catching the child looking away from the television screen. Play continues until someone cries.

You may be saying to yourself, ‘What kind of person tortures their children by asking them to examine the motivation for their actions?’ My personal feeling is that the person who understands themselves can better understand the actions of others. Why - Because is an exercise in self-discovery. It’s can also be enormously frustrating and ultimately unhelpful. I’m getting far afield here, but the point I’m trying to make regarding literary rejection is that ‘Why’ is the most important part of the rejection and one that is seldom supplied.

The usual query can consist of query letter, a sample from the beginning of the book, and, sometimes, a synopsis. The evaluator won’t be reading the whole book, so the writer needs to sell her or him on these pieces alone. From these, he or she can glean some insight into the talent of the writer and the magic of the story.

I’m going to try and catalog all of the possible why’s without assigning validity, legitimacy, or order of importance. I hope to list without adding snark, or sMark as I like to call it (copyright forthcoming), but I won’t promise. These are all understandable and often-listed reasons for rejection.

• Failure to follow submission instructions

• Agent doesn’t represent your genre

• Book is not marketable

• Terrible spelling, grammer, and/or punctuation

• No Voice

• Starting in the wrong place

• Inappropriate language or subject matter for the genre

• Just plain boring or weak writing

• Derivative, cliché-ridden, or outright theft

• First chapter doesn’t grab or excite

• Main character comes off as a douche

• Writer comes off as a douche

• Improper word count

• Putrid, i.e. unrealistic/boring/stilted/melodramatic dialogue

  
  

I’d like to add a few more reasons that aren’t often stated, but I suspect may come into play.

• Providing any excuse at all to pass. Just one is enough.

• Writer’s online presence doesn’t gibe with evaluator’s values

• Pre-conceived ideas about ability to portray character’s persona accurately based on what is assumed about the writer

• Bad timing, i.e. failing to fall into category/type for which evaluator is currently looking.

• Non-preferred POV

• Language, vocabulary, or style perceived as above or beyond target reader’s level of comprehension

• Not filling requirement for explosions or sparks in the first paragraph

• Impossible to sell a first-time author’s book if it is too long

• Evaluator is already working 80-hour weeks, and any new project would have to be sure-fire bestseller

• Zzz…

There’s still the old stand-by; ‘I can’t quite put my finger on it’, i.e. good old-fashioned subjectivity. To those people, I’d ask ‘Why’, and they’d say, ‘I don’t know’ and the game would be on.

Ideally, I would like to have a roomful of agents available to read my query, first chapter, and synopsis. I’d then ask for a show of hands to let me know if they would be interested in reading more. I’d ask those who weren’t interested to leave the room so that I could ask and answer questions from those remaining (if any). At the end, I’d choose a talented and fabulous agent who gets me, and we’d go on to revel in fame and fortune together.

That’s not how this biz works. I’m going to be rejected until I’m not rejected, and then my talented and fabulous agent and I will go on to revel in fame and fortune together. That’s how it will work.

Eventually.