Worst Songs Ever Written #74

Those who can't, criticize.

Elton John and Bernie Taupin have co-written thousands of songs including a record 965 Number 1 hits. Most of them are excellent examples of pop rock that my generation can sing along with. This one blew. Bernie wrote the lyrics as a favor to Elton. The story goes, Elton wanted to do something for his friend Billie Jean King who was part of the Philadelphia Freedoms (a professional tennis team that is apparently still in existence). The putrid and offensive song, Philadelphia Freedom, was released in 1975. More accurately, the pathogen began infecting us in 1975.

So, anyway…

I used to be a rolling stone, you know If a cause was right I'd leave, to find the answer on the road

I used to be a heart beatin' for someone But the times have changed The less I say, the more my work gets done

'Cause I live and breathe this Philadelphia freedom From the day that I was born, I've waved the flag Philadelphia freedom took me knee-high to a man, yeah Gave me peace of mind my daddy never had

Oh, Philadelphia freedom Shine on me, I love ya Shine a light through the eyes of the ones left behind Shine a light, shine the light Shine the light, won't you shine the light? Philadelphia freedom, I love ya Yes, I do

If you choose to you can live your life alone Some people choose the city (some people choose the city) Some others choose the good old family home (Some others choose the good old family home)

I like living easy without family ties ('cause it's easy) 'Til the whip or will of freedom zapped me, right between the eyes

'Cause I live and breathe this Philadelphia freedom From the day that I was born, I've waved the flag Philadelphia freedom took me knee-high to a man, mmh-mmh Gave me peace of mind my daddy never had

Oh, Philadelphia freedom Shine on me, I love ya Shine a light through the eyes of the ones left behind Shine a light, shine the light Shine the light, won't you shine the light? Philadelphia freedom, I love ya Yes, I do

Oh, Philadelphia freedom Shine on me, I love ya Shine a light through the eyes of the ones left behind, mmh Shine a light, shine the light Shine the light, won't you shine the light? Philadelphia freedom, I love ya You know, I love you, yeah You know, I love you Yes, I do! (Philadelphia freedom)

I love you, yes I do! (Philadelphia freedom) you know that I love you Yes, I do! (Philadelphia) oh (freedom) Don't you know that I love you? Yes, I do! (Philadelphia freedom) Don't you know that I love you? Yes, I do! (Philadelphia) oh, oh (freedom) Don't you know that I love you?

Catchy as it may be, the lyrics are insipid, devoid of genuine inspiration, and basically slapped together. I don’t even understand the sentiment. Are we supposed to feel patriotic? Are we supposed to want to live a solitary life without family or loved ones? Are we supposed to want to play tennis? Are we supposed to believe that Philadelphia freedom is better than Topeka freedom or Boise freedom? I truly believe that Mr. Taupin was indeed zapped by something when he was forced to write this song, but the whip-poor-will of freedom?

This song was lucky enough to be recorded during a string of hits by Elton John and it made it to Number 1, but it’s a mystery to me as to why. I want to thank my next-door neighbor, Dave for blasting Elton John’s “Greatest” Hits Volume II this morning. I’m a big fan of Elton John from way back. I also want to kick Dave in the ass for making me look up what album he was playing, and having to see the album cover where, inexplicably, Elton is in full cricket attire bending over a cricket bat.